Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
