you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
