Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
