i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
