I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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