dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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