can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
