guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
