just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
