I hate your face
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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