Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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