I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My dick has a subreddit
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
