guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
