Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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