Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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