You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
