she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
