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i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
