We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
