I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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