Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
