So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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