ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You pole danced in your parka.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
