life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
