So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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