smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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