I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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