At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
