Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is the high leading the old right now
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
