there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
