Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
