All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My life is pants optional.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
