Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
