Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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