dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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