never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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