i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
