he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
