Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We're too hungover to prance.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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