First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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