Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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