I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
me + whiskey = a bad person
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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