It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
