Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
its not stalking. its research.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
