So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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