It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
