So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
