found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
