Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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