I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
