You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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