I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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